BY THE TIME YOU HAVE YOURSELF ALL FIGURED OUT…

WILL YOU LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED?

I certainly hope so! I say this to clients all of the time! Calculate the years you may have left! I am a diabetic, and half way to a hundred already! Realistically, I am aiming for 80, and anything passed that will be a bonus! So 30 years longer is my goal – with potential bonus years on top of this, hopefully 15, that would bring me to 95!, so let’s say 45 years. That’s ambitious! 

So many of us see life as a measure of time, a series of ups and downs, good times and bad times – events. We don’t see our lives as an environment where dreams and potential can be developed and realised. I think that many people develop and build their lives using a manufactured lense – the outcome looks great when viewed through the eyes of others – but for many, because of those blurred lines, potential has remained out of reach.

WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE FEEL THAT THEY ARE BROKEN?

Many of us tell ourselves that we are broken! In some form or other. Many of us feel that we aren’t the same, as good, or that we don’t function in the way that our own social conscience and teaching dictates.

All of the social etiquette that seemed so important to our pivotal role models, in their bid to conform us, perfect us and perhaps save or protect us, has been translated into a different dialect in our minds. Sadly, external dialogue is our dictator – the expressions and labels, the expectations and pointed failures, have become the measuring stick for our lives, and the judgements, the cement that keeps us still – all deriving from influences from our past, and transported into our present, through thoughts and beliefs that have never been analysed.

When you sit back and think about it, we invest so much time and energy in trying to rise above our short comings, or our perceived failures, that we forget that we can change, alter or discard these feelings and inherited ideologies, as we would outdated plugins, or software. Sometimes, we just need to update, and catch up to where we are at in some areas, but not in others.

I watched a program recently about a couple who had met online. He was substantially older than his new partner, and having children with her was not part of his plan (he had adult children). His partner however, had no children and wanted to be a parent, and continued to develop their relationship in the hope that he would change his mind. His response to that was, that he wasn’t going to spend the rest of his years making someone elses dream come true. This is a fair statement, we are not put here to fulfill somebody elses dream. He was judged harshly.

By default, we tend to facilitate the needs of others by having an underdeveloped  multifaceted support system that places more value on our external world, and those who reside there, rather than our internal world and ourselves. 

SO MUCH TO FIX – SO LITTLE TIME!

Have you ever sat back and looked at your strenghts and weaknesses as defined by yourself? When you evaluate your shortcomings or failures, do you evaluate them from your perspective or someone elses? What is your agenda when analysing your beliefs or thoughts? When someone else analyses your beliefs and thoughts, don’t you think that they might have a different agenda – that it might be centred around their needs?

Whether it’s your partner/spouse, children, parents, siblings, relatives, friends, work colleagues. You could spend your whole life trying to fit in to someone elses expectation of :

  • Who you should be.
  • How you should feel.
  • How you should behave.
  • How you should look.
  • What you should aspire to.
  • What you should accept.
  • Who you should love.

Add to that mix, a world of strangers and their expectations of:

  • Who you should be
  • How you should feel
  • How you should behave
  • How you should look
  • What you should aspire to
  • What you should accept
  • Who you should love

What if you aren’t as broken as you think? What if your life isn’t as meaningless or unproductive as you think? What if your dreams aren’t as distant or out of reach as you think? What if you have been navigating your life using someone elses chart? How much of YOU do you incorporate into your:

  • Relationships
  • Career
  • Friendships
  • Home
  • Personal Development
  • Faith/ Belief/ Spirituality

It’s hard to believe that every change starts with you, and what you want, but it does.

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